My trauma

It's been 2 months and 2 weeks since that awful night, the night I never, in my mind, expected to happen. For those of you that don't know, I was in a nearly fatal car accident on Mardi Gras. My friends and I went out for a couple of drinks to celebrate even though I had a gut feeling I shouldn't have gone out that night (I did have a test the next day). I said screw it, I'll wake up early in the morning to study, it's just West Theo Trad anyways, how hard can it be?

We were all at the usual Tuesday night bar having a couple drinks with my girl friends and were waiting for our friend to show up so that we could go meet up with the rest of our friends at a different bar. He finally shows up and he decides to drive us all there, we didn't care it was less than a mile of a drive. But, I should have known something was wrong when as he was backing out of the parking lot he hit a pole. My friends and I didn't care we were just having a good time, we got to the bar safely so he was clearly okay to drive (man, was I terribly wrong). We probably stayed less than half an hour at the bar before I got tired and wanted to go home, so I asked my friend to drive me back. We got in his car and were heading home and.... that's when my entire life changed. Or at least my outlook on life changed

The next thing I know is I hear people talking in the background, rustling, monitors beeping. Am I really here? Am I dreaming? Oh my gosh please let this be a dream. I opened my eyes and it was the last place I wanted to be, the ER. The first thing I did was look for a clock because I knew I had a test to take at 9:00 am, it was 7:00 am so I thought, thank God, I have time to study!! My roommate walks in and I told her I needed to go because I needed to take my test, she said I wasn't going anywhere. I just didn't understand, first of all, why was I in the hospital? What had happened to me and why weren't they letting me leave?!

She finally told me what had happened, I still couldn't grasp the situation, I was just numb. For 10 minutes, i didn't say a thing, I was numb, confused, this had to be a dream, so I closed my eyes and opened them again and it wasn't. As I tried to talk more, I realized my teeth were gone! I yelled for a mirror but they just wouldn't give me one and I cried. I just didn't understand how this could have happened or why I couldn't remember. At that moment so much was going on in my head, which teeth did I lose?! was it my porcelain crown or my real one?! I just couldn't remember what side my crown was done on. But at that moment, who cared?! I was just so happy that I woke up to my friends with me and wasn't alone. Actually, happy is the wrong word to use, I was grateful to have my friends there, not happy, I mean who would be happy to have teeth knocked out and in the ER with no recollection of how everything happened to you?

I tried to make myself happy by asking where my phone was so that I could get on to Pinterest so that I could look up funny pictures so that I could get happy and forget about my situation, but no one knew where any of my things were which just put me in a worse mood. "Great, I have a fractured and dislocated hip, a fractured jaw, missing teeth, and lost all of my things, just perfect!"

I went back to bed and when I woke up, I woke up to my other roommate there, they then took me to get XRAYS done, to this day I don't fully remember what I went to get x rays on but I just remember it was so painful and almost impossible for me to move an inch of my body. I went back to sleep and then woke up in my room in the ER again. This time I woke up to my best friend coming to my side and a very good look doctor. The doctor explained he was going to have to wire my jaw and I honestly did not want him anywhere near my mouth. He told me it wasn't going to hurt which was true but he never told me the novacaine shot would hurt. Then they shot me up with morphine and I got sick, all that was going through my mind at this point was, "how do heroine addicts do this everyday? This is the worst feeling ever!"

I was ready to get discharged but wanted to see how my friend who was driving was doing. My friends told me he was on life support and all I could do was break down crying. What if he didn't make it? What if my last memory of him was the accident that I can't even recall? What a horrible way to lose somebody! They checked on him and said he was fine that he was just in a medically induced coma because he couldn't breathe on his own but that he was going to be fine. I wanted to see him but they wouldn't let me. I wasn't angry at him for what he did, I was angry the nurses wouldn't let me see my friend who clearly needed me.

I was finally going to get discharged but was to weak to even move so they took me home in an ambulance and stretcher. My friends told me my parents finally got in town and were going to be there when I got home.

WHY?

I don't know why I'm writing this or if it's even a good idea to write this. I'm just bored and can't sleep and it may be because I have so much going on in my mind. Or maybe it's because I feel like I'm annoying my friends and family by not being able to talk about anything else except for my accident. Maybe it's because in a way, I don't want to forget the details about what I went through (not that I think I ever will, but I don't know, it can and probably has happened to people). Or it might be some narcissistic way of thinking that I WANT people to hear my story. It might also be because I need a way to cope after what I've gone through and call me crazy but I think for an almost 22 year old I have been through A LOT.